Maybe you both work too much.
Or it’s distance.
Busy family lives.
Maybe you grew apart.
Maybe you can’t really find a reason at all.
She vanishes from your life without warning. Your phone calls are unanswered, unreturned. Birthdays pass, holidays pass, time ticks on. Sometimes a song comes on the radio that reminds you of her. You wonder how she’s doing, and if she ever thinks of you. You miss her. You wonder why you weren’t good enough for her to keep you in her life. You shake your head, shrug off the sadness. Oh well. It’s her loss.
Her nagging guilt.
Her deep regret.
You came into her life at a time she desperately needed a friend. Heartbroken and alone, she leaned on you without you even knowing it. You confided in her, invited her to follow along in your life. Your friends and you even called her “Little Sister.” You helped her feel like she belonged when her life was falling apart.
She trusted you.
She admired you.
She loved you.
She loves you still.
She cried the day you said goodbye. She moved to another city. New responsibilities, new relationships. She was absorbed, and overwhelmed. She listened to the messages you left, told herself she’d call you soon. Time moved on, and the thought of phoning you got harder and harder. Cold with anxiety, unsettled in her stomach, she held the phone and took deep breaths.
What if you were mad at her for taking so long to call back?
What if she sounded awkward, had nothing interesting to say?
What if you didn’t really like her anymore, and were annoyed by her call?
What If……so many What Ifs…
What if she called you at home when she knew you’d be at work?
She left you a message, so she’d stay safe, and you would know she still cared. She promised herself she’d answer if you called back, pushed the guilt aside. A few days later your call came, she stood frozen with fear. She realized her lack of action was not the norm. She hated herself for being such a coward. She hated herself almost all the time. Her self loathing made her believe somewhere deep inside that she was unworthy. She truly thought she didn’t deserve you.
If only you could have known.
Her anxiety was too much for her to cope with. The consequence was losing a dear friend.
If only you could have known.
You could have told her she was more than worthy.
You could have told her she had no reason to feel afraid.
You could have told her she deserves friendship.
You could have told her she deserves love.
She tells herself even still, that one day she’ll contact you. Maybe she’ll send a letter, maybe a birthday card.
She says she will do it tomorrow.
But tomorrow never seems to come.
I hope one day you long lost friends bump into each other by accident. I hope you give each other a big hug. I hope you become friends again.
This may not happen of course, but one thing will always remain true. You shared laughs, tears, a special kind of love. You affected each other’s lives for the better. You were great friends.
“Don’t cry because it is over, smile because it happened. ”
It happened. And that’s never going to change.
Thank you for reading.
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Be Brave, and Talk
**Quote by Dr. Seuss.